I’m not a fan of people but I realize it when I’ve found the right one. They’re not a certain specific type but I just know it. There’s a common background of being an ultimate weirdo I guess… not a cool kind of strange. The strange kind of strange.
To be honest, people are a mystery to me. I prided myself in staying as far away as possible because there was (and still is) such a sizeable gap between me and them. For years I looked at them amazed because surely, there was something wrong with them! They had different drives and goals and thoughts, dramatically strange and pointless compared to my own.
The great divide was even more noticeable when I tried to immerse myself and try to fit in. I just couldn’t. I tried to read teen magazines and wondered why the fuck people live like this. It was like waiting for my Hogwarts acceptance letter that never came all over again… when was I going to be a part of the crowd? Is everyone else also going through a period of self-doubt or is it just me?
Yes, it was just me.
I’ve never been the one to feed on closeness and friendship, it just so happened that I didn’t need it and could function so much better without it… but you still need to have a connection. My few friends had fatal flaws that clashed with everything I held sacred but I had to bite the bullet and accept them because you never know when you’re going to find new friends. Add crippling shyness and social disgust and you’re basically fucked. Breaking the cycle and becoming a selfish adult was a glorious day because I discarded everyone that no longer fit with my real self.
The friend that I do have now is probably the first person I felt comfortable being real with. I might still be a freak but it isn’t easy learning how to do friendships on a genuine level. She isn’t like me in most ways but also is… if that makes any sense. I guess our minds are on the same wave-length and we’re preparing for the nuclear apocalypse together (that’s a joke but she is totally into those kinds of things).
What’s the point of this?
We might be the same genus but baby, we’re definitely not the same species.
That’s for all of you who are familiar with the taxonomic rank in biological classification. What I mean in a non-asshole way is that you will eventually find your kind.