I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’ve had two coffees today but I’m itching to smoke to take this edge off. Obviously I wouldn’t actually smoke but fucking hell, sometimes it takes extra willpower to remain looking calm.
Honestly, if there was one thing I could do without consequence, I would pick smoking cigarettes. It’s a fake kind of relaxation but it worked. Or maybe I was willingly killing myself slowly and had embraced that path I had chosen.
Anyway, tomorrow is a new day and I actually have plans to do something instead of sit around at home and pretend to sleep when sleep doesn’t come. I need to be productive because my anxiety gets worse the less I challenge it. I must stimulate my mind and push to get better because believe it or not, there are times when I wish I could be a little more normal and a little less me.
With ultra regret,