And it’s time to make this blog more personal.
There’s an actual human being typing these words. And I’m depressed. I said it, without injecting tasteless humor.
I don’t know when the last time I fell asleep like a normal person was. Every night is my eyes begging not to be so dry, while my mind fights me and keeps me awake while I keep thinking how I have to brace myself for everyone’s upcoming death.
I’m scared of losing people, of dying, of wasting my time, of not being there, of being too late, of being too distant or too clingy, I’m scared of losing every single person I love and I’m ruining my life over it and it’s time to get some help, actual professional help, because being quirky and having a dark sense of humor just won’t cut anymore, no matter how invigorating I was, like a breath of fresh air.
Who knows what this new chapter will be like. I’ve never been to a psychiatrist. I’m scared and also not scared, maybe finally I’ll be rid of whatever is holding me back. I don’t know why my brain works this way.
I guess I’ll be less faceless on here.
I will have my point of view on things you never asked to read, but there will be shit that’s going on in my actual life. Like how this depression thing will go.
Cheers to whatever’s coming up.
With ultra regret,