General Dread

I’m scared of doing new things.

There are too many variables that I haven’t taken into consideration and it’s terrifying for me. It’s not really a way of living because life is unpredictable but it makes it somewhat safer, to schedule everything in advance.

I’m sorry if I come off as difficult. It’s no excuse really. It’s never on purpose and I honestly feel like a piece of shit. If there was one thing I would change about myself, that would be at the top of my list. I’ve been trying to dare myself by doing totally crazy thing, like jumping on a bus and going somewhere random that I never go to, that’s how rigid I am.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t understand how unfair/rude/selfish/disapponting this feels to you, I know it does and I’m actively working on becoming a better friend.

Reality is overwhelming at times.